About adaptive challenges

Sometimes we need to get out of our own way

Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey in their book “Immunity To Change” propose the idea that there are “technical” challenges that can be met by learning new skills, and “adaptive” challenges which require a change in mindset. A technical challenge could be something like insufficient knowledge of how to use formulas in Excel when your employer asks you to create a complex set of tables and charts for a meeting to be held in two weeks. The technical solution might be getting of a book or two on the subject and learning the necessary skills to overcome the deficit. Adaptive challenges are more complex. Take weight loss, for example. Losing weight does have a technical solution component to it: consume less energy than you expend, and over time, you will lose weight. However, keeping that weight off is another challenge altogether, and one that that the vast majority of dieters fail to do. According to Kegan and Lahey, that’s because when we try to accomplish long-term changes like keeping weight off, we often sabotage our own efforts because we have competing commitments driven by big assumptions, and we’re unaware of both! Continuing to apply a technical solution (reliance on willpower alone to keep that weight off) without addressing those competing commitments and assumptions is then like attempting to drive from Point A to Point B with one foot on the gas while the other is hitting the brakes.

By working together, we can not only help you overcome those barriers, but equip you with new tools that enable you to take and keep that foot off the brakes.


I can help you forge a path to lasting and sustainable change in any of the following areas:

Inner Critic

The inner critic is that voice in your mind that says, “You’re not good enough” or “What if something goes wrong?” It often masquerades as self-protection but ends up holding you back, casting doubt, or fueling fear. In many cases, the inner critic is one of the greatest barriers to personal growth and lasting change. Although it may never fully disappear, you can learn to quiet its voice and even tune it out when needed. I’ll help you become aware of your inner critic’s patterns, question its assumptions, and develop strategies to manage it in ways that support your goals. Imagine the freedom to make decisions based on what truly matters to you, rather than what a nagging inner voice tries to dictate. Together, we’ll create a space where you can explore, challenge, and silence the inner critic when it no longer serves you, so you can act with clarity and confidence.

Life in China

Since moving to China in 2002 and settling in Shanghai in 2006, I’ve navigated the unique and often complex challenges of living here, both as a newcomer and a long-term resident. Even in Shanghai, the most foreigner-friendly city in China, adapting to daily life can be tough. Finding good places to live, negotiating leases, figuring out health care, finding obscure but necessary things, divorce, dating, disputes with an employer, and setting up a business are just a few of the issues expats might face while here…and they can’t be handled the way they might back home. Those of us who stay long enough can also face unexpected crises, such as losing loved ones abroad, and reverse culture shock when returning home, which can be exceptionally jarring. Having someone who has “been there, done that” that you can count on to walk through hard times with you can mean the difference between simply getting by and thriving in your life abroad. I’m here to help you overcome these hurdles so you can focus on enjoying everything that’s cool about life in China.

Academic Challenges

With 17 years of experience as a history teacher at an international school, I’ve had the privilege of working with students across a wide range of abilities, interests, and backgrounds. While I don’t offer traditional tutoring, I use my years in the classroom to help students tap into their strengths, find effective learning strategies, and reach levels of performance they may not have thought possible. I also work with parents to create home environments that support their children’s academic and personal growth. Having overcome my own set of challenges growing up, I bring a unique perspective that allows me to connect with students and families facing obstacles. My goal is to empower students and parents alike to build a foundation for lasting success, turning academic challenges into stepping stones toward confidence and achievement.

Career Changes

Whether you’re looking to change jobs, switch industries, or take the leap into self-employment, navigating a career transition can feel overwhelming. Uncertainty about the future, combined with the pressures of financial stability, family expectations, and new qualifications or skills, often stops people before they even begin. For those who do take the plunge, challenges like building confidence, gaining buy-in from loved ones, and meeting certification requirements can create real roadblocks along the way. Having an experienced coach who has faced these obstacles firsthand can provide invaluable support, helping you clarify your path, strengthen your resolve, and stay focused on your goals. Together, we’ll turn the daunting process of career change into a well-supported journey toward a fulfilling professional life.

Procrastination

Timothy A. Pychyl, a researcher now retired from Carleton University, made his career researching and writing about procrastination. In his book Solving The Procrastination Puzzle, he argues that this habit that plagues most of us at some point or another isn’t the result of time management or organizational issues, and it’s not about willpower either. Instead, he asserts that it is a problem of self regulation that is related to emotional intelligence (the ability to not only recognize emotional states, but deal with them effectively as well). When I first encountered Pychyl’s work (through a class he taught that I was fortunate enough to be a part of), I immediately identified with that concept in a big way. It explained everything that I had ever put off. Though I had been aware that certain tasks made me feel terrible and that putting them off was my way of avoiding those feelings, it had never dawned on me that what I needed was to become better at regulating those emotions. That realization paved the way for significant – and still ongoing – changes in my own life. Team up with me to beat back your procrastination overlords and become someone who gets the tough stuff done!

Leadership

Having witnessed and practiced both exceptional and ineffective leadership over many years, I’ve learned that effective leadership is about more than authority—it’s about earning respect, fostering cooperation, and managing diverse personalities with empathy and clarity. Inspiring a shared sense of purpose is also critical. It was this exposure that inspired me to start my own business and take charge of my own path. Work together with me and you’ll learn to lead with confidence and adaptability, becoming a leader who inspires commitment, trust, and meaningful progress in any setting.

Parenting issues

It’s unfortunate that kids don’t come with well-written instruction manuals. Effective parenting, like leadership, is more art than science. It’s about so much more than simply authority; modeling, patience, empathy, tolerance, consistency, authenticity (which includes honesty even when it’s uncomfortable), and flexibility are necessary at every turn. Great parenting requires a willingness to let kids make mistakes and find out for themselves what works and what doesn’t – within bounds – and a willingness to be wrong and admit when that’s happened. The quality of parenting reflects the growth and maturity

achieved by the parents, and that can be a hard pill to swallow when something’s gone wrong. Remember, thought, that no one is perfect; we all have our flaws and past scars that shape us. We can change, and we can transform our relationships! Let’s work together to create a healthier and more effective relationship between you and your kids.

Dealing with chronic pain, tinnitus, or other adaptive challenges can feel isolating, especially when empathy and practical solutions seem hard to come by. As someone who’s been there, I understand how tough these battles can be, both on the surface and in the depths where real change needs to happen. I’m here to offer the kind of support I once needed myself, working with you to create meaningful, lasting change. I can’t promise instant fixes, but I can promise that I’ll be fully committed to helping you achieve the goals that matter most to you. If you’re ready to start finding peace, let’s connect. Contact me for a free consultation, and let’s explore how we can work together to break through the barriers that have held you back.