You too may be able to become pain free without surgery, drugs, or devices!
During a two year period, I spent many thousands of dollars seeing different specialists about crippling chronic pain. Every one of them came to different conclusions about the nature of the problem, and they all proposed different approaches to ending it. Having no medical insurance at the time and a deep fear of pursuing surgical options, I had to be conservative in evaluating avenues for relief. While I now dislike the connotations associated with the phrase “do your own research” (because many of those who use it don’t seem to have a good grasp on research skills), that is exactly what I did. I encountered a lot of shady stuff along the way and can count myself fortunate that I wasn’t taken in by much. However, my skepticism came with a price. When I discovered a path to pain relief that suggested a largely psychological approach, I was resistant, and it took a crisis for me to put sincere effort into pursuing it. That approach turned out to be exactly what I needed. I have now been free of that pain for 16 years.
Factors leading to my pain
In 2002, I was hired by a medical device company in Hong Kong as a medical device marketing manager. For me, it was the unbelievable opportunity that I had been searching for relentlessly for 18 months. I took it and had a great couple of years, but in late 2004, I got laid off as part of a merger with a US company. I was determined to remain in China, however. By late 2005, I had done a number of short term gigs, but was no closer to landing appropriate long-term work, so I wasn’t doing great financially.
I lived in a 19 floor apartment building, and I had started an exercise regimen that involved climbing to the roof everyday. I gradually built up from one climb a day with several stops to four times daily with no stops. A couple of times while climbing, I had a sharp pain in the groin that stopped me cold, but after about 5 seconds it went away. I chalked it up to “yet another weird thing my body does occasionally”.
When Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, I paid a lot of attention to that in the news (I’m from Louisiana), and it was upsetting to watch. At the same time, I was still upset about losing my previous job, in part because it felt like I was losing family.
Onset of pain
Right around the time the water started receding around New Orleans, my groin started feeling heavy. Over the course of a week, it became more and more noticeable. Then one morning, it was suddenly painful to even walk across the room, and my upper inner thighs were numb. An ultrasound at the local hospital left doctors unsure of whether it was a varicocele or epididymitis, so they gave me a week of Levofloxacin. I came back a week later with no improvement and saw a different doctor, who said the first doctor didn’t know what he was talking about, and immediately placed me on an IV antibiotic for 5 hours, saying that if I felt any better the next morning, I should come back for IV treatment for the next 7 days. IV treatment is a miserable affair in China, and since I lived just across the border from Hong Kong, I hopped on over the next day to see my doctor there. He referred me to a urologist who quickly concluded after examination that I had a varicocele. His advice was to take acetaminophen as needed and lay down with legs raised. “It’s nothing serious”. When the pain continued and the urologist’s suggestion failed to help, fear set in. What if I needed surgery? What if it was something more serious? What if my pain became a permanent feature of my life? A vicious cycle of negative future projection set in, and I began “checking” on my pain often throughout the day. Is it still there? How bad is it when I move this way or walk that way or sit another way?
Endless doctor visits
In the next year, I gained 30 pounds because even short leisurely walks often exacted a terrible price in post-walk pain in the following days. I took a job in Shanghai in March 2006 and quit a month later because the travel requirements made my two little companions unbearable. I went to 3 different urologists. The first did a manual exam, said “Epididymitis!”, threw some antibiotics at me, and rushed me out the door. The second was a little more thorough, doing testicular and prostate ultrasounds. This doctor concluded I had prostatitis and gave me some pills that ended up making me feel like I was pissing sand.
The third doctor, an American, said that epididymitis and prostatitis were related and not much was known about either; he thought my case could be caused by my stair-climbing. He gave me ibuprofen and said if that didn’t work to try diclofenac. Beyond that, he said, suggested that I consider going to Hong Kong or back to the US for treatment, as he didn’t know of any urologists here that were up to the task. I saw a previous urologist again not long after, and he gave me tramadol, which didn’t really kill the pain but made me not give a damn about it. Unfortunately, it also half-zombified me for about 24 hours and gave me arrhythmia, which often came with nausea. I used it only as a last resort.
I remember that year being filled with fear, frustration, and anger. I felt isolated, dependent, and drained. It was uncomfortable talking about my pain with those close to me, and I imagined it was awkward hearing about it, so I mostly refrained from discussing it with anyone except specialists.
Around this time I started to develop a severe case of what I now believe was reactive arthritis in my hands. It got so bad I couldn’t even type. I got desperate and went to a TCM doctor who said all of my problems had to do with diet. He put me on a very foul diet of nuts and beans for a week. It didn’t work, so I went back and he put me on a couple of different herb balls. Within a week, my arthritis cleared up completely, but it had no effect on my testicular pain.
After that experience, I decided to put together a blog about my problem, hoping that it would save me time explaining my situation to physicians, and that maybe someone who had experience with my issue would see it and respond.
Some reading I was doing then prompted me to look around for a good physical therapist. I ended up seeing a sports medicine doctor who found a hip problem that he said could possibly be the cause of my pain. It was a real relief to see a doctor that actually listened and was willing to explore the possibility that there may be causes outside of the urological sphere. I agreed to a fairly painful hip injection that ultimately had no effect. After that visit, I began doing stretches he recommended, but stopped after a week or so as it seemed to be making things worse.
In early August, I saw yet another TCM doctor who said the problem was that too much heat and dampness was trapped down there. He prescribed the foulest herbal concoction I had ever encountered (I could even taste the turtle shell and dried orange peel bits!); I drank that 3 times daily for a week, but it was ineffective.
Though all of this, I had been doing my own research online. Much of what I found either scared me or left me profoundly frustrated when I realized that whatever I had spent the last few hours reading about was misleading, misguided, or an attempt to prey on my vulnerability.
An unexpected gift
Then my luck changed, although I didn’t know it at the time. My wrist pain had returned, and while researching carpal tunnel syndrome and repetitive stress injuries (RSI), I came across a blog about RSI written by a girl who described a long struggle with it that ultimately ended up resolving without surgery or drugs thanks to a Dr. John Sarno in New York and his book, The Mindbody Prescription. Her story was intriguing, so I ordered the book.
The book’s premise is that many with chronic pain actually have nothing physically wrong, and that the pain, while definitely real, is caused by unconscious rage and kept alive by that unacknowledged anger and fear of the pain. His solution involves daily journaling to discover possible sources of this unconscious rage, losing the fear of the pain, and the resumption of physical activity as normal. I found this all really interesting, but I couldn’t take it seriously enough to actually do it until a year later when a crisis made me reconsider.
A crisis forces change
In January 2007, a doctor gave me prednisone, which he couldn’t believe no physician I had seen previously had offered to me. It seemed to be the miracle drug I had been waiting for. For three weeks, I felt like a normal human being again, able to walk as much as I pleased. I became so confident that I took a trip during Chinese New Year to Sichuan province. In the middle of that trip, the prednisone stopped working. I had to cut my trip short and fly home. I was devastated.
Once I returned home, I really felt like my only options were surgery (which I could ill afford), a return to the US to attempt treatment there (again, money was a problem), or to really give Dr. Sarno’s ideas a shot. Once I started really doing what his book suggested, I went from “unable to walk across a room without crippling pain” to “no pain at all” in about three weeks. This was accomplished without recommended surgery, and without any drugs. A month or two later, confident I was better, I posted final message on my blog, saying that I had recovered. I briefly described what had happened, and left an Amazon link to Sarno’s book. Then I got on with my life.
The bare bones summary of what I did to become pain free
1. I had already ruled out serious and life threatening illness as a cause. You should do the same before taking the approach I did or beginning any coaching or therapeutic relationship that helps with that approach.
2. Dr. Sarno posits that much chronic pain originates not in structural or other physical abnormalities and disease, but in the deep dark recesses of the subconscious mind. He builds on Sigmund Freud’s belief that the subconscious harbors much rage about things both past and present which it fears the conscious mind won’t be able to handle. The subconscious creates actual physical pain through mild oxygen deprivation in a particular area in order to prevent the conscious mind from becoming aware of this rage. Dr. Sarno recommends journaling in an effort to uncover sources of this subconscious rage – not to resolve it, but just to identify it or possibilities of it. It’s an unconventional approach, but it helped me immensely.
3. I had to lose my fear of the pain and resume all previous physical activity. It was imperative that I believed that my pain had a psychological origin, and resumption of normal activity would not result in physical damage. As you might imagine, this was the most challenging aspect of what I needed to do. Whenever I walked for any significant distance, I talked to my brain, telling it that I knew what it was doing, that the pain had no physical cause, and that I was not afraid anymore. I tried to avoid “checking” to see how things were going, instead actively focusing on anything else to keep myself from checking. This was key to my recovery.
The test – pain returns after a 3 year absence
In 2010, having been pain free for over three years, I received emails from two different guys on the same day. Both had seen the blog, described having the exact same problem, and wanted to know more about what I did to get better. I was delighted to see this, and I happily pounded out a detailed explanation. It felt really good to know that my experience would actually be able to help at least a couple of others.
The very next day, my pain returned. Initially, I panicked. I could not believe this was happening again. Within a few hours, I had tamped down the anxiety enough to think clearly. I had beaten this before, and I could do it again. It took me about a month to do it, but it did get done!
If your pain is caused by the same thing mine was, you can beat yours too!
It has been fourteen years since I last had any real trouble with that issue. A few times, I have felt a slight pain, but rather than fear that pain, I made myself get up and walk. A couple of times I’ve even resorted to jumping in an attempt to bring on the pain, just to show my brain that I knew what it was doing! The pain disappears in minutes every time…and I can’t even remember when it last appeared at all.
My experience is far from unique. There are large online communities of people, many of whom have met with similar success for a stunning variety of chronic pain issues using Dr. Sarno’s methods and now want to help others replicate their success. I would love to do the same.
My struggles with chronic pain and tinnitus were often lonely experiences in that empathy and practical solutions were scarce from those closest to me, as well as from some healthcare professionals. As someone who understands not just the surface problems but the deep-seated battles that come with these issues and others, I now offer the support I once desperately needed. Your battles can be won, and sustainable change is possible. While I won’t guarantee success because that depends primarily on the work that you do in and beyond coaching sessions, you can expect that for the duration of our working relationship, I will be personally committed to helping you achieve sustainable goals that are important to you. Get in touch for a free consultation to discuss how we can work together!
